Puberty Coach: discovery

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Books. Love 'em or hate 'em?

I started out writing a post about how much I LOVE sex ed books. There are "good" books and "bad" books, and a list of some of what I consider to be the "good" ones can be found on the right side of this blog. What makes a sex ed book "good," you may ask? I'll tell you:

- Scientifically accurate information/words
- Clear, easy-to-understand language
- Clear, bright, fun, accurate pictures
- Some humor

Now, you may be wondering why I said that I "started writing a post about how much I love sex ed books." I mean, isn't that what I'm doing?

Well, yes. But something happened that prevented me from going Full Steam Ahead with that plan. I discussed Sex Ed books with Chicky.

She doesn't like them.

Huh.

She likes having the conversations (really! she said so!), but doesn't like the books.

This, actually, kind of kills what I was going to write. I was going to say that I love using the books as props during conversations. I was going to say that they can be really helpful, to make you (the teacher) feel more comfortable and confident which, in turn, helps your own chicky to feel more relaxed too. I was going to say that they are useful to have at hand, just so you can keep your facts straight, and to use as a guideline for what is appropriate information to share at this stage. And, I guess, that could definitely be the case for some people.

But not us.Books are no longer welcome as full-time participants in our discussions.

Just because Chicky doesn't like the books, though, doesn't mean that I have to abandon them. Instead, I'm using them for research. Despite the fact that I know most of the information, it's nice to see how someone else is explaining it. It's good to find the least-scary, least-gross way of phrasing gross and occasionally scary information.

I like books, damnit. Whether Chicky does or not.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Discovery

Recently, Chicky and I were organizing her desk in her bedroom, sorting, throwing away, labelling. It was menial work, but a good backdrop for just chatting. As we were getting everything under control, I observed, "Maybe we should start having the Itchy Issue conversations while we're organizing something. You know, have our next one while we sort out your bookshelf or something. I find that I feel less awkward when I have something to do with my hands, you know?" She agreed with me, "Yeah, that's how I end up scratching myself! I need something to do with my hands!"

So, that's my newest Fascinating Discovery. Even though people have been making the same discovery for decades. Whatever.

From now on, Itchy Conversations will be accompanied by folding clothes, baking cookies, or arranging knick knacks on bookshelves.

Learning as I go...

1. Things are a lot less awkward if you are honest-- even if that just means being honest about feeling awkward.
2. These conversations don't schedule themselves. It is rare to stumble across a perfect opportunity by happenstance-- schedule it. Make it happen.
3. Your kid may enjoy this more than you realize. It's special time with you, and this information is all Very Interesting, even if it is uncomfortable.
4. It is way ok to use a book (or other source of information) as a crutch. Some kids may even prefer it!
5. A little distraction may be a good thing-- awkward conversations may be more comfortable if you have something menial to do with your hands. Fold clothes, bake cookies, or get that chest of drawers organized!
6. Sometimes the "OMG I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS" tween reflex will take over... or they'll simply forget. In either case, repeat yourself. They'll get it eventually, right?

Books I Recommend

It's Perfectly Normal: The. Best. Book. It talks about literally everything in a down-to-earth, relaxed fashion. The drawings are detailed, the text is accessible, and the book has a "relaxed and groovy" feel. I LOVE this book!

The Care and Keeping of You: A basic puberty book for girls. In a word? Charming. If books with too much information scare you, but you don't want to lie to the kid, this one's for you.

Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask): This is a book written to parents, and I think it should be on everyone's baby shower registry. It discusses how to address sexual issues with your kids starting from Day 1. Also, it's just really kind of fun to read.

Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume: Of course, of course this has to be on the list. Chicky LOVED it, read it in a day-- which is unheard of, in ChickyWorld-- and has brought it up in conversation many times since.

My Little Red Book: A sort of memoir of girls' periods stories. By turn funny, heartwarming, and occasionally sad, it's a fun book that Chicky and I enjoy reading together

Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen: A series of books by Lauren Myracle, following the protagonist, Winnie, as she grows up. Very "coming of age" and fun. Chicky loves them enough to read voluntarily, so that should be all the endorsement anyone needs! (The series starts with the book Ten, but Chicky hasn't read that one-- still, that's probably a logical place to start.)