About this time last year: I "found" Chicky's book It's Perfectly Normal on her bookcase, and tried to talk with her about it. She responded by staring at her bookcase. "Look at all these books!" she said quickly. "I have so many books! I bet I haven't even read them all. That is a LOT of books." She didn't make eye contact.
A week or so later: I pointed to a diagram in one of her books, and laughed. She laughed too. We looked through some pictures together, and found them funny, but didn't talk about either sex or puberty very much.
A couple of weeks after that: I found the copy of the book in the bathroom, when she called me in to keep her company while she took a bubble bath. She pretended that she had no idea how that book got there. I pretended that made sense. We read some of the book, and talked about it briefly.
A couple of months later (during which time we'd continued discussing puberty and sex occasionally): We introduce the conversation topic Itchy Issues. Awkward conversations are scheduled for once or twice a week. We both enjoy these, even though they are theoretically "itchy" (ie uncomfortable). I bought her a little pouch, and put some pads in it Just In Case. She keeps this in her backpack.
As time wore on, the puberty vocabulary became our vocabulary. Sex is getting to be a more comfortable topic, but still not there yet. That's ok. When she was telling me about her Sex Ed class at school, she mentioned that the teacher had to pause the video when one of the boys in the film was talking about his penis. Chicky used the word "penis" in a sentence, not hesitating over it or whispering. Good for her. No need to get all awkward talking about a body part, but so many people do. She told me many details about the sex ed classes, and I loved hearing about it. It's so interesting! And it's very fun to get her perspective.
Last week: Chicky asked me if we could go bra shopping. We did, on Monday. Story will follow, of course.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
She says she doesn't like books- HAH!
A while ago, Chicky told me that she didn't like using books. That, ok, we could talk about this puberty/sex thing if we really must, but that we should just discuss, not read from books. Well, fine.
And so we do. She's relaxed a lot, and so have I, and we both joke about puberty all the time. The sex thing is still more awkward, but I think we'll get to this point with it too. So that's promising.
Here's a funny development, though-- as much as the girl told me that she doesn't want to read books about this stuff, she tore through Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret in a day. A day, people, and she doesn't usually like to read. She just found it hilarious. And I loved it too-- not just that she'd found a book she loves (which I'm thrilled by, of course), but also that it's given her a whole new way to talk about things. We laugh about the "we must increase our bust" routines, and how they never actually work. We discuss the huge variation in ages girls get their periods, pads vs tampons, and so on. It became so much easier for her to talk about all of this, once she'd read the book.
The other book we've been reading together in fits and spurts is My Little Red Book. It's basically a memoir of girls' stories of getting their periods-- either for the first time, or some memorable occasion. We've been enjoying the different experiences the girls have had, occasionally talking about mine (though I've had a pretty boring menstrual history), and talking about what will happen for her in the future (we won't slap her across the face, we will have some sort of celebration).
See, kid? Books aren't so bad.
And so we do. She's relaxed a lot, and so have I, and we both joke about puberty all the time. The sex thing is still more awkward, but I think we'll get to this point with it too. So that's promising.
Here's a funny development, though-- as much as the girl told me that she doesn't want to read books about this stuff, she tore through Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret in a day. A day, people, and she doesn't usually like to read. She just found it hilarious. And I loved it too-- not just that she'd found a book she loves (which I'm thrilled by, of course), but also that it's given her a whole new way to talk about things. We laugh about the "we must increase our bust" routines, and how they never actually work. We discuss the huge variation in ages girls get their periods, pads vs tampons, and so on. It became so much easier for her to talk about all of this, once she'd read the book.
The other book we've been reading together in fits and spurts is My Little Red Book. It's basically a memoir of girls' stories of getting their periods-- either for the first time, or some memorable occasion. We've been enjoying the different experiences the girls have had, occasionally talking about mine (though I've had a pretty boring menstrual history), and talking about what will happen for her in the future (we won't slap her across the face, we will have some sort of celebration).
See, kid? Books aren't so bad.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Best class!
Guys.
Do you know what the best part of Fifth Grade is? No, it's not being the oldest. No, it's not the tantalising lure of middle school (complete with lockers and a student lounge).
The best part of 5th grade is, undoubtedly, Sex Ed. Ok, so it's not the best part when you're in fifth grade, but I, for one, am psyched. Chicky and I have been predicting what the class is going to be like. Our guesses? Super. Awkward. Everyone will pretend not to care, but secretly be tremendously interested. There will be no eye contact, but plenty of uncomfortable scratching of arms. The mental image is fantastic.
"At least it will be over," Chicky said. "I mean, it's a week, but that's it."
"Yeah," I said. "You know, until next year."
She stared at me. "We do this AGAIN?"
Do you know what the best part of Fifth Grade is? No, it's not being the oldest. No, it's not the tantalising lure of middle school (complete with lockers and a student lounge).
The best part of 5th grade is, undoubtedly, Sex Ed. Ok, so it's not the best part when you're in fifth grade, but I, for one, am psyched. Chicky and I have been predicting what the class is going to be like. Our guesses? Super. Awkward. Everyone will pretend not to care, but secretly be tremendously interested. There will be no eye contact, but plenty of uncomfortable scratching of arms. The mental image is fantastic.
"At least it will be over," Chicky said. "I mean, it's a week, but that's it."
"Yeah," I said. "You know, until next year."
She stared at me. "We do this AGAIN?"
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
I often repeat, repeat myself. I often repeat, repeat. *
Chicky and I were talking about what the "worst" aspect of puberty would be. Somehow, this conversation (which, yes, we have had several times) is so much more successful than the "best part of puberty" version. She's convinced there is no such thing as a "good" part of puberty (except that I've promised her we'll do Something Spectacular when she gets her period for the first time.) She is especially down on puberty since she has started getting pimples (um, yesterday), so the "worst part" conversation is an excellent one to be having right now.
I mentioned at one point that, as much as puberty can suck for girls, the obvious erections boys get must be just the absolute. worst. I mentioned this to Chicky, who looked at me blankly. "The what?" she asked. I was surprised. This was not new information, we'd talked about it before. I began to explain, and got a few sentences in before she cut me off. "Oh yeah. I remember now."
I'm not sure whether she actually remembered, or had just tired of hearing me use the word "penis" in a sentence.
In either case, I managed to communicate enough of a description that I think she does, at least, know what an erection is. Still, it's an argument for repeating oneself at every opportunity.
*Poem by Jack Prelutsky
I mentioned at one point that, as much as puberty can suck for girls, the obvious erections boys get must be just the absolute. worst. I mentioned this to Chicky, who looked at me blankly. "The what?" she asked. I was surprised. This was not new information, we'd talked about it before. I began to explain, and got a few sentences in before she cut me off. "Oh yeah. I remember now."
I'm not sure whether she actually remembered, or had just tired of hearing me use the word "penis" in a sentence.
In either case, I managed to communicate enough of a description that I think she does, at least, know what an erection is. Still, it's an argument for repeating oneself at every opportunity.
*Poem by Jack Prelutsky
Monday, February 14, 2011
Learning As They Go
Adolescence is about a lot more than growing boobs and being attracted to the opposite/same sex in a new way. It's a time of personal growth that doesn't necessarily have much to do with your physical growth and development. Some things that we always took for granted simply don't stay as they used to be.
Friendships are like that.
When we are children, friendships are simply a matter of who-likes-the-same-toys-or-has-the-same-backpack. As we get older, friendships acquire a new depth. Rather than just fun (though that's certainly part of it), friendships provide support, a sounding board, a challenge to our opinions, and so much more. I have been supremely fortunate to have had really wonderful friends throughout my life. It's something that I think is important for every person.
Part of being an adult in a child's life is modelling behaviour you want to encourage. I want to encourage healthy, fun, mutually supportive friendships. As such, it brings me great joy that Chicky and Hatchling find my friend, C.A., so wonderful. They admire her, enjoy her company, and think she is simply the coolest. I share their opinion. C.A. is a fantastic person, and the kids benefit from knowing her. Not only is it in their best interest to actually know C.A. in her own right-- she is smart, hilarious, kind, supportive, and tremendously fun-- but she is also helping them learn, simply by being her own cool self, what good friendships and marriages look like. When she and I are together, we joke around, tease each other, back each other up, and discuss ideas. She and R.A. (her husband) are relaxed and easy with each other, help each other out, and treat each other equally and with respect. The kids are seeing all of this, absorbing it, and perhaps one day will apply it to what they look for in their own friendships and romantic relationships.
They think C and R A are SO COOL. Cooler than I am, for sure.
If I have to give up the title of "coolest person ever," though, these are the people to whom I would like to surrender it.
Friendships are like that.
When we are children, friendships are simply a matter of who-likes-the-same-toys-or-has-the-same-backpack. As we get older, friendships acquire a new depth. Rather than just fun (though that's certainly part of it), friendships provide support, a sounding board, a challenge to our opinions, and so much more. I have been supremely fortunate to have had really wonderful friends throughout my life. It's something that I think is important for every person.
Part of being an adult in a child's life is modelling behaviour you want to encourage. I want to encourage healthy, fun, mutually supportive friendships. As such, it brings me great joy that Chicky and Hatchling find my friend, C.A., so wonderful. They admire her, enjoy her company, and think she is simply the coolest. I share their opinion. C.A. is a fantastic person, and the kids benefit from knowing her. Not only is it in their best interest to actually know C.A. in her own right-- she is smart, hilarious, kind, supportive, and tremendously fun-- but she is also helping them learn, simply by being her own cool self, what good friendships and marriages look like. When she and I are together, we joke around, tease each other, back each other up, and discuss ideas. She and R.A. (her husband) are relaxed and easy with each other, help each other out, and treat each other equally and with respect. The kids are seeing all of this, absorbing it, and perhaps one day will apply it to what they look for in their own friendships and romantic relationships.
They think C and R A are SO COOL. Cooler than I am, for sure.
If I have to give up the title of "coolest person ever," though, these are the people to whom I would like to surrender it.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Remember when these conversations were awkward? Me neither.
What do you talk about at the dinner table? Politics? Sports? The school day? Hatchling, Chicky and I have all of those conversations too, but today we added a new topic-- puberty. Obviously.
Hatchling (who, by the way, is a long ways away from puberty), suggested that boys have more to deal with during puberty than girls do. Chicky gave him a look. "I don't think so." So, we listed everything we could think of that happened during puberty, and I kept score.
Hatchling (who, by the way, is a long ways away from puberty), suggested that boys have more to deal with during puberty than girls do. Chicky gave him a look. "I don't think so." So, we listed everything we could think of that happened during puberty, and I kept score.
GIRLS BOYS
growth spurt
body odor
body hair
oily hair
acne
period voice changing
breast growth penis growth
hips widen shoulders broaden
In the end, it was a tie. But Chicky and I maintain that girls have it tougher.
Friday, February 4, 2011
I hear it takes a village
I mentioned at the very beginning that I am not Chicky's relative. I am a villager. It is more than just the parents' job to raise a child; it is the job of everyone in that child's life. (But, you know, no pressure.) I'm thrilled and honored to be one of the villagers, and I love spending time with Chicky and Hatchling. Of course, we don't only talk about sex and puberty. That would get old pretty fast. That's just the topic of this blog, you see, so that's what you hear about.
As most parents appear to know, it is wise to take advantage of those who want to be part of your kids' lives. Even better if they have some actually wisdom to impart. In terms of adolescence, I don't have more wisdom than Chicky's parents, but I do have greater enthusiasm for it as a conversation topic. Plus, simply being pretty young and, you know, not her parents, makes me a good additional resource for this.
However, being not her parents has its challenges. They get to make the value calls, they get to decide what lessons to impart, and they want to be kept up-to-date in terms of what, in general, we're talking about. These challenges are actually far less challenging than you might expect, actually. I have known the family for quite a while, so I'm generally pretty in tune with what they want to happen with Chicky. We also share a lot of the same values, which makes the split second "how-do-I-answer-that-question" moments a lot easier. And, of course, we talk about this project as we go along. Which should be a given, but I doubt it really is.
Chicky's parents talk with her about these things too, of course. I am not her sole source of information-- but I am often her first source. This is an immense privilege and a no-less-immense responsibility. I am certainly not unaware of that.
But you know what else?
It's really, really fun.
As most parents appear to know, it is wise to take advantage of those who want to be part of your kids' lives. Even better if they have some actually wisdom to impart. In terms of adolescence, I don't have more wisdom than Chicky's parents, but I do have greater enthusiasm for it as a conversation topic. Plus, simply being pretty young and, you know, not her parents, makes me a good additional resource for this.
However, being not her parents has its challenges. They get to make the value calls, they get to decide what lessons to impart, and they want to be kept up-to-date in terms of what, in general, we're talking about. These challenges are actually far less challenging than you might expect, actually. I have known the family for quite a while, so I'm generally pretty in tune with what they want to happen with Chicky. We also share a lot of the same values, which makes the split second "how-do-I-answer-that-question" moments a lot easier. And, of course, we talk about this project as we go along. Which should be a given, but I doubt it really is.
Chicky's parents talk with her about these things too, of course. I am not her sole source of information-- but I am often her first source. This is an immense privilege and a no-less-immense responsibility. I am certainly not unaware of that.
But you know what else?
It's really, really fun.
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