Puberty Coach: Discovery

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Discovery

Recently, Chicky and I were organizing her desk in her bedroom, sorting, throwing away, labelling. It was menial work, but a good backdrop for just chatting. As we were getting everything under control, I observed, "Maybe we should start having the Itchy Issue conversations while we're organizing something. You know, have our next one while we sort out your bookshelf or something. I find that I feel less awkward when I have something to do with my hands, you know?" She agreed with me, "Yeah, that's how I end up scratching myself! I need something to do with my hands!"

So, that's my newest Fascinating Discovery. Even though people have been making the same discovery for decades. Whatever.

From now on, Itchy Conversations will be accompanied by folding clothes, baking cookies, or arranging knick knacks on bookshelves.

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Learning as I go...

1. Things are a lot less awkward if you are honest-- even if that just means being honest about feeling awkward.
2. These conversations don't schedule themselves. It is rare to stumble across a perfect opportunity by happenstance-- schedule it. Make it happen.
3. Your kid may enjoy this more than you realize. It's special time with you, and this information is all Very Interesting, even if it is uncomfortable.
4. It is way ok to use a book (or other source of information) as a crutch. Some kids may even prefer it!
5. A little distraction may be a good thing-- awkward conversations may be more comfortable if you have something menial to do with your hands. Fold clothes, bake cookies, or get that chest of drawers organized!
6. Sometimes the "OMG I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS" tween reflex will take over... or they'll simply forget. In either case, repeat yourself. They'll get it eventually, right?

Books I Recommend

It's Perfectly Normal: The. Best. Book. It talks about literally everything in a down-to-earth, relaxed fashion. The drawings are detailed, the text is accessible, and the book has a "relaxed and groovy" feel. I LOVE this book!

The Care and Keeping of You: A basic puberty book for girls. In a word? Charming. If books with too much information scare you, but you don't want to lie to the kid, this one's for you.

Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask): This is a book written to parents, and I think it should be on everyone's baby shower registry. It discusses how to address sexual issues with your kids starting from Day 1. Also, it's just really kind of fun to read.

Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume: Of course, of course this has to be on the list. Chicky LOVED it, read it in a day-- which is unheard of, in ChickyWorld-- and has brought it up in conversation many times since.

My Little Red Book: A sort of memoir of girls' periods stories. By turn funny, heartwarming, and occasionally sad, it's a fun book that Chicky and I enjoy reading together

Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen: A series of books by Lauren Myracle, following the protagonist, Winnie, as she grows up. Very "coming of age" and fun. Chicky loves them enough to read voluntarily, so that should be all the endorsement anyone needs! (The series starts with the book Ten, but Chicky hasn't read that one-- still, that's probably a logical place to start.)